The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
