I want to make a zoo with you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
