i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
