We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
