By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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