I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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