either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
