To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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