I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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