Kiss
Puke
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
