Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
