I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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