apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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