bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
