Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
