it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
