what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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