May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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