call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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