You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
MIDGETS
????
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
