You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
FUCK WHALES
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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