So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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