k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
