I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
