oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
