soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
