I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
