that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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