his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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