Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no, he came in my armpit
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
