you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
