I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
