In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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