Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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