Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
