I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
