$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
