why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
