i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
