id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize