I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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