there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
