i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
