I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
