I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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