uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
