Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
