i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
