can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
