Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
