I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
