Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
