My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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