Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize