New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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