guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
