Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
