omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
