All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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