thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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