It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she peed on how many people?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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