I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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