we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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