When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
