dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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