New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
