my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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