i dont even know how to be here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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