I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
