I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
