the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
