i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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