do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
