so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
