my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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