Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
