you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
