Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
