Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
