Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize