Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
