I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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